Jokes

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son...

Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride".
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case..."

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates...
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the world Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case..."

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank...
Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a Vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case....."

This is how business is done.

The story of our lives....
You will love it ..read through every bit pls ....

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in
heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough,we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in
an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.In the distance was a country club and standing
in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute)and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved
goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St.Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he
said. So she spent the next 24hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St.Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself
standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

" Yesterday we were recruiting, today you're an Employee. "

This is Confidence!

A hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed.Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies: "If it's the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."

This is called Confidence!

A student asks a teacher: What is love?
The teacher said: in order to answer your question, go to the paddy field and choose the biggest paddy and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big paddy, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the paddy field, he start to realize that the paddy is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person The student asked: What is marriage then?
The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfied, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage.